So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
