I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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