Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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