There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
