Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
