Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
