So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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