Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
