he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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