I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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