rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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