Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
