New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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