They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
