there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
is this the sara with the beer cane?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
