The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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