one might say we're banned from that church
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found puke in my bra..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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