physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
