i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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