Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
