If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
