I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
