She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
