this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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