I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
