I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she told me i tasted like america
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
