Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
