Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
