I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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