so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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