if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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