I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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