you didnt know i had herpes?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize