I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize