May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
there is glitter all over my balls
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
