I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
