i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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