I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
