Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
