dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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