i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
