don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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