9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
