He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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