Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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