He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
