the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
