Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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