Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
