My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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