My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
