2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
