I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
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He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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