Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
