They should really pass out barf bags in church
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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