I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
