bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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