my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
