who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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