Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though