I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
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Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?