oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.