I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
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as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.